Falling Slowly
by WreckintoMe
Summary: Some wish that the sun won't shine in the morning and other wish not to get out of bed in the morning, but Leah wishes the shadows would consume her.
1. Falling Slowly

Song of the Day: Lump Sum by Bon Iver

Hope you like it. The idea came to me while driving. Reviews would be lovely

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Before Leah fell asleep at night, she would lay down in her bed for hours thinking and going over the day that she had. It was a routine, it was her life, and it was something that she never wanted to change. Leah would lay down in her bright blue polka dots sheets, with her arms behind her head and just stare for hours at the ceiling above. Harry once told her that mysteries are solved when you're not expecting them and that everything in life is worth fighting for only if you give yourself time. Leah still believed in those saying, but it was times like these that she wondered if her father was crazy. She felt like screaming into her pillow and letting endless tears flow because Leah already gave enough time to the world, she gave her mind away to the pack, she gave her heart away to the world, and she already gave her sanity and judgment away and she wondered when enough was enough. Tonight was no different from the rest. As Leah lay in her bed she imagined the dancing shadows from outside, would come in and consume her.

There were times, very rare times, that Leah was not the bitter bitch that everyone thought they knew. There were times a sparkle would shine in her eyes. It might have been little, and it might have lasted only a few seconds but it sparked like fire and it was a sight no one would want to miss. A few times Seth would make a joke and a small smile would play at her lips but it never grew wider, though nevertheless it reminded everyone that there was something inside of her that was still living compared to the walking dead that she is. There were times that instead of having the brick china wall surrounding her heart Leah would let loose and scream into the darkness, cry in the shadows, and laugh in the shining sun. Leah was beautiful when she let the living rise in her and she hated that she wouldn't _couldn't_ let it out more.

On good days Leah would lie down in bed and dare that the shadows above to consume her. And on others, the days when the living was packed so far down in her, and she felt like cursing the whole world the shadows didn't even tip toe on her ceiling. But on days when everything was too much to bear, on days that she felt alone, defenseless, and vulnerable, her room glowed of darkness and dancing shadows. Underneath it all Leah could never convince herself that she hated the tree the projected the shadows in her room because when Leah came home and did not want to feel anything she would look up to her ceiling and know that at least something understood her in this fucked up messy world that we call home. The tree was her only friend and companion that she could rely on and she'd be damned of she let another thing she loved slip through her fingers, again.


	2. Vision Of Love

In the beginning it was wild, delicious, erotic, and something neither thought they would end up doing.

_Ever. _

As Jacob thrusted himself into Leah, she wondered why on earth she never thought more of him. He was everything she wanted to be; free, happy, and strong. Jacob is the sun to the earth, and she hates that no matter how hard she tries she would never compare. Leah is the ice queen bitch, and everyone knows the sun will always be more favorable.

His hot breathe crept its way down Leah's neck as she moaned into his chest.

Alpha and Beta intertwined. Like a King and Queen damned to eternity.

When Leah thought of how Jacob pushed her into the wall and crushed his lips to hers, she couldn't help to have an amazing feel flow through her body. It has been so long since she's been kissed with such powerful emotion, fuck, it's been so long since someone has treated her like she wasn't broken and weak.

Thrust, after thrust, after thrust.….

And the story goes on.

In the beginning it was different but passionate, it was random but not a surprise to either of them, it wasn't love making but fucking. And to them, it was the best thing they've done in a while.

With another ride of moving hips and leg muscles, Jacob and Leah screamed into the night, like two broken souls screaming for attention.

Jacob rolled off of Leah, and suddenly Leah missed the warmth and comfort. Minutes went by; neither spoke, just continued panting into the sheets.

A numbness crept in as Leah turned to look at the ceiling. She sighed, then crossed her arms behind her head, and began to stare at the dancing shadows once again. They weren't as pronounced as they usually are which made Leah want to laugh, but the shadows still consumed over half of the entire room. In the end the shadows always knew her best, even when she goddamn faked herself out.

When Jacob got up to retrieve his clothes Leah did something she told herself countless of times that she would never do,

"Will you stay, just for tonight?"

Leah didn't need to look to see that Jacob froze; it was something she expected him to do. She knew his answer before he spoke it, it screamed louder and louder as time went by. Leah closed her eyes and started to count the seconds until Jacob left her alone again.

Everything in life lives you alone and heartbroken. It's life lesson she began to preach to anyone who would listen.

On any other day Jacob would make an excuse or say "Not tonight" but something in her voice, something no one else would catch, made him want to stay. He doesn't know if it's because Leah was broken like he is, or that Leah looked different when she opened herself up but it called out to him like a siren and that was enough to climb his way back into her bed.

"Just for tonight Leah" Jacob spoke.

Leah was surprised and her expression showed it, then she thought back to the sun and shrugged it off.

"Don't worry O Alpha, you can tell everyone that you fucking pitied me." She barked.

Leah turned her head back to the ceiling and whispered, "I won't judge you."

Jacob rose to his elbows and reached down to touch Leah's face. It was soft, smooth, and unscarred, the exact opposite of what she really is. As Jacob moved his hands across her face he realized he wouldn't want Leah any other way. He wouldn't want a scarred face woman with a perfect life and perfect personality but the woman in his arms that is fighting her vicious battles with brave strength. Jacob wouldn't take Leah any other way.

"I never judge you, Leah", Jacob then leaned down to close the space surrounding their lips.


	3. Eyes of Shame

_Last Chapter. Enjoy._

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Leah never feels shame. At least that's what she tries to convince herself. As Leah lays down naked on the beach floor she feels shame creep through her bones like a spark hitting gasoline. She tenses at the image of him seeing her and curses herself for not bringing extra clothes.

"_Hopefully he'll walk away,"_ she thinks _"Maybe he'll leave me alone."_

The footsteps get louder and somewhere along Jacob's breathe hitches.

Then Leah feels pissed.

She knows what they have been doing was inexcusable and restricted but it only makes her want to lose herself all over again. Jacob sets her body on fire with every touch, and Leah does not want to throw that away for anything.

Leah knows fucking isn't the only reason she wants to be around Jacob. His smile that's brighter than a morning sunrise makes Leah feel warm. His courage and strength makes the wounds of Leah's heart have their own strength to heal. She doesn't know when the screams of _Bella _or _Sam's_ name stopped or when the biting and scratching went to swift soft moments but it did. Everything went from furious, addictive need to lighthearted playful want. Somewhere along the way both began to want to be around each other instead of needing.

Everything begins to yell their presence as his footsteps grow closer and closer. The sun is slightly fading away, the wind is gently swaying through Leah's toes, and the sand is hugging every curve on her body. Leah becomes aware because the moment she's been dreading is about to come alive.

"Fuck Black, everyone already knows your alpha," She barks, "Doesn't give you the excuse to follow everyone"

Jacob laughs, "It's not like I'm walking into something I haven't seen before".

"Please do stare," she says.

Jacob reaches for his collar, swiftly takes off his shirt and hands it to Leah.

"Here," He says. "I know you must be uncomfortable."

Pissed fades, shame sinks in.

"Ja-"

"Don't you love how open this part of the beach is?" Jacob interrupts,

"I don't think anyone else knows of this part," he says as he lays himself next to Leah.

Leah was never the one for intimacy. Even with Sam she never cared for holding hands or cooing cheesy sayings. The love Leah felt was in her eyes; it was always through her eyes. When Jacob lowers himself to the ground and lays his arm next to Leah's, she turns to look at him. Jacob's eyes aren't filled with pools of lust or guilt, hell, she can't tell what they are filled of; but it reminds her of the look Sam used to give her; the look that meant wonders to her.

"I come here to think," Leah says. She turns her head back to the sky. "It _was_ nice that no one knew of it."

Jacob snickers, "Your scent gave it away, cinnamon and pine, no one could miss it."

Today was different from the rest. La Push was quiet and restful. The pack members' weren't insisting to do something, or rain thundering down on the streets. Everything was peaceful; everything was perfect.

Leah sighs. Nothing is ever perfect, at least not for long.

"Is there something you wanted Jake?" She asks him.

In one swift movement Jacob is sitting upwards and looking towards the water.

The remanding sunlight shines on his face and the sight give her shivers. His skin sparkles, not in a supernatural sense, but in a beautiful, breathtaking way.

In the beginning Jacob scared the hell out of Leah. She knew how he worked, how well he can chain on to a heart and make it love the heck out of him. She knew that it could happen to her, and she knew that if it ever grasped her she would end everything; she promised herself and to her heart. So as Jacob's eyes flutter down towards her face and she feels her heart skip a beat she knows she's fucked.

"I've been wondering something for a while," He says softly.

"But I don't know how to ask," Jacob whispers. "And truthfully I don't know if you'll tell me."

"Let me make that decision, Black."

Jacob reaches for her hand and sighs.

"Every night you always stay awake looking at your ceiling. I don't know what it is, or if your just thinking but you do it every time."

Jacob flickers his eyes to Leah's and quickly tries to recover as he sees shock written all over her face.

"I mean, it's probably nothing, I was just wondering." He says quite quickly.

Leah whips her hand out of his and gives him a look that could make plants wither.

"It's personal Jake," She barks. "And none of your fucking business."

Pain flashes on Jacob's face but soon is replaced with anger. Jacob gets up from his place and looks down towards her again.

"You know Leah; I haven't hurt you, ever. I never told you I loved you because I knew it would hurt you to know you couldn't feel it back. I never promised you a life of happiness because I would never promise you something that could not come true. But I did tell you everything about me. I told you every little detail about me. Everything Leah," His body starts to vibrate and he knows that if he did not calm down he could phase any moment. He shouldn't be getting worked up about this; he knew it would happen. It happened with Bella but he had someone _Leah _to go to, but if it happens to Leah, if she cannot let him in he doesn't know what he'll do.

_Alpha and Beta intertwined. Like a King and Queen damned to eternity._

Jacob wants to laugh of how true it is.

Jacob takes a step back and turns his back towards her. He sighs, then says,

"Don't think I wanted to feel something for you. I fucking tried."

Leah couldn't move even if she wanted to. The words of Jacob were racing through her head and she couldn't get them out.

She promised herself that she wouldn't open up again, not after her Dad, not after Emily, not after Sam. Leah cried herself to sleep for months and woke up making a promise to her that she would be strong, at least for the day. When night came, that promise crumbled away and left Leah vulnerable and weak as she begged the shadows consume her. Leah stayed strong. There wasn't

October

_November_

_December_

_January,_

There were days of rain and thunder and Leah fought each day like a solider. She fought each day like it was a war.

As Jacob stands with his back towards Leah, she whispers so low that even she has to fight to hear.

"Shadows."

Jacob didn't move.

Leah takes a deep breathe and trembles as she says it louder, "It's the shadows."

She sits up and hangs her head to play with her hands.

"_Fuck promises,"_ She thinks_. "He's not Sam."_

"Somehow the shadows in my room know me better than anyone," Leah's voice rises and she looks up to Jacob who is looking at her with a quizzical expression.

"I was broken for a long time Jake, fuck, there are still parts of me that aren't put together. Sometimes when I look at the shadows, well, they remind me of me. They're dark and they consume everything; they never go away."

Leah looks away as tears start to fill her eyes.

"I don't like being like this. I hate having to fight against myself but I know if I don't I will get hurt again.

"I'm strong Jake, I gave everything of myself away and I'm standing, but I'm not strong enough to be hurt again. I'm just not."

She looks up at him and instantly regrets everything. Jacob's face is filled with an emotion that's unknown to her. But it reminds her of pity and Leah wants to slap it off. She doesn't need pity and she doesn't need someone saying sorry to her.

Leah quickly stands up. "I knew I shouldn't have told you." And begins to walk away.

"Leah!" Jacob yells. "Wait, Leah please." He starts to run in her direction.

She's walking fast, even to Jacob, but he catches up. Leah's breath is shallow and her body is racking with sobs.

Jacob's hand makes a grab for Leah's arm but misses as she whips around to face him.

A kiss from Leah's was not what Jacob expected. He could tell from the way her hands are grasping and pulling his hair and from the way her body is nearly pushing against him that she was showing him something.

How Leah feels, how Leah loves.

Any man would pull away; any man would know that Leah was devious and dangerous, beyond extraordinary, but Jacob isn't any man. He isn't the kind of guy that thinks before doing.

As Leah's lips rage against his own and her fingers making war with his hair; Jacob touches her face with such lightness and tenderness.

He doesn't move rough against her, Jacob doesn't battle over dominance with his tongue or with his hands.

Jacob treats Leah with care and he treats her like she's the god damn world because Jacobs will never hurt Leah. He's not Sam, he's not Emily, and he's not someone who will pick the easy route and hurry through.

Yes, Leah has been hurt beyond repair and yes she would rather be tortured over and over than feel the loss of love again but nevertheless when the lie of wanting no love tumbles from her mouth, there is always a part of her screaming to the world "love me".

Jacob pulls away to look at her. Leah's face is covered with tears and pain, but she's still the most beautiful creature he's seen. Even when Leah's lashes out, says the most painful things, and stabs a heart with just a look, he will think the highest of her. Leah's wild and beautiful. A beauty that one only sees once in a lifetime because nothing else can compare. She's wild like the wind, free and tactful. But closed in and secured tight, letting no one in, no one to hurt her; not even herself.

Jacob's hand reaches out to her face and leans in so his lips are inches away.

"I love you." He says, "And I know you might not love me, but I'm going to stay. I won't leave you. I'll always stay for you."

Leah's eyes fill more tears but then her mouth grows into a breathtaking smile.

"I want you to stay, forever."

She reaches up to kiss him, while images of him and her together play through her mind.

Jacob's a puzzle piece, and inside Leah knows she's hell of a one too. But that's why she knows their perfect because they're both broken, both lost, both equal, both in love.

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I strongly dislike this chapter. Truthfully it isn't one of my best, but I do hope a few like it.


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